So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
