im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
