ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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