I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
