just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
