Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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