That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
