Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
