She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
