You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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