my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
