I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
