i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
