I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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