Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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