The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
