my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
