Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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