Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i've created a new STD.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
