I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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