i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
