Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize