The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
