I'm laying in your front yard are you home
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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