Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
