I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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