this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
