I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
