this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
