I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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