I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
