whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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