Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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