fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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