im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You're a waste of cheezeits
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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