plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize