If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
