Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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