So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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