Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just cut my nipple shaving
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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