stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Houston, we have a squirter
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
