tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize