Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
