It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
