jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
