i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
