I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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