I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
