We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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