I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
