Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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