I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize