Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
