All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
