his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I will pee on everything he values.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize