Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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