i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
