so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Come on in and take your pants off
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