it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
