i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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