i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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