the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
