I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
