hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The struggles of a small town man whore
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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