meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I want to have your abortion
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
