I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
