she woke up with a sticky ear
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
