hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
