Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
