"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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