Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
