At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize