he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
