sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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