I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I need to sanitize my soul.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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