I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
