I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
