Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
