i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
