Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
