All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
