I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When are your genitals available?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
