she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
