I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
