So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
