I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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