A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
