You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Still dying that you shit outside
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize