Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
NoShamevember. You game?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
