I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
