i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
