living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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