I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
